It is with a heavy heart — one as full-grain and genuine as the finest vegetable-tanned hide — that this publication must report the unconscionable actions of a man who, until this week, was considered a stalwart of the leather community. He has been found in league with Ridgeway Tins.
Witnesses report that the accused showed no remorse upon his discovery. On the contrary, he was observed holding placards — hand-written, in what experts describe as "the handwriting of a man who has lost his way" — suggesting that leather was responsible for any hurt feelings in this matter. The audacity. The gall. The sheer, unstitched nerve.
"Leather does not hurt. Leather heals.— A Leather Elder, upon hearing the news
It is tin that cuts, that rusts, that rattles.
And so does betrayal."
The community is reeling. Hides have been left untreated. Saddle stitches left unfinished. One apprentice was so distraught he conditioned his bench three times in a single afternoon. The emotional toll cannot be overstated, nor can it be buffed out.
When reached for comment, the accused held up his sign and frowned. Investigators believe the frown was a performance. The leather does not forgive a performance.
Guilty of Tin Sympathy
in the First Degree
May his conscience be as supple as the leather he has forsaken.